


Under Attack

by phanitup



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 23:05:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15650775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanitup/pseuds/phanitup
Summary: under attack, I’m taking cover, he saw my track, my chasing lover, thinking nothings gonna stop him now -  It’s the night before his wedding and Phil's beginning to panic





	Under Attack

**Author's Note:**

> Under Attack is quickly becoming one of my new favourite songs by ABBA so I became inspired to write this. I do have a really bad ABBA obsession which you can kinda tell from my tumblr (phanitup)

_Don't know how to take it_ _. Don't know where to go_.

If you asked Phil how he got here, he’d tell you he has no idea. Ten years ago, he was simply replying to some fan on the internet and now he’s here lying in bed the night before his wedding to said fan. He was petrified, but he guesses everyone is the night before their wedding. Before they’re ripped of their freedom and bound down to one person for the rest of their life.

God, it was suffocating.

It was only midnight, but Phil felt like he’d been awake for years. At this time at night, he was usually fighting to stay awake to read the end of the chapter as Dan lay next to him scrolling through his phone. Phil doesn’t remember the last time he lay alone in a bed. It was lonely once you got used to having someone next to you. Never touching, just lying there.

Phil loved Dan, that wasn’t the problem. Phil couldn’t see his future without Dan. He’d been there through everything that faced Phil. When he was feeling low or unappreciated, Dan was there to quickly to remove them feelings and make him laugh. Phil had to admit he’d done the same for Dan countless times as well. They had faced two world tours and two books together, always knowing they could have each other to fall back on if anything got too stressful.

 _And every day the hold is getting tighter_ _. And it troubles me so_.

Dan was the one who had proposed. Phil never had the intention of doing so. They had been together ten years and Phil never had the thought of going out and buying an overpriced ring and getting on one knee to ask for someone to take the rest of his life away from him. He always knew Dan was going to be in his life one way or another – although he hoped it would always be in a romantic way – so he didn’t see why he had to spend a large amount of money for everyone else to know.

But Dan got fed up of waiting. Dan proposed at some fancy restaurant that Phil couldn’t even remember the name of and when Phil simply just stared back at him when he heard the words “Will you marry me?” Dan just chuckled and slid the ring onto his finger. Phil was more scared of losing Dan than he was to say no. Because saying no meant ending the relationship and saying their goodbyes, and Phil didn’t want that. But he wasn’t sure he wanted what saying yes meant either. Marriage was a trap. Marriage always ended up in divorce and that meant Dan and Phil going different ways.

And divorce cost more than marriage did, and marriage was already expensive enough.

_This is getting crazy_ _. I should tell them so._

Phil got out of bed, sighing as he wrapped a white blanket around his shoulders. It was freezing. Why Dan decided to have the wedding in November he’ll never understand. If he couldn’t sleep, he might as well sit downstairs and have a cup of tea. He walked downstairs as slowly as he could in order to try not to awake his parents, brother and his girlfriend. He had ended up at his brothers not so little flat with his family where Dan stayed in the comfort of their flat with his own family. Phil didn’t want to spend the night away from Dan. He was already nervous enough, and Dan always ended up calming him down. Screw him and wanting to stick to tradition.

He turned the kitchen light on, quickly switching the kettle on and leaning against the counter as the water began to boil. He took a deep breath, bunging the fabric around his shoulders closer to him. This shouldn’t be so frightening. He should be bloody ecstatic to marry Dan. All his friends that were married had told him so. They were nervous but the thought of marrying their partner had got them through it. So why the hell wasn’t it getting Phil through it?

He was going to have a panic attack if this continued. And he certainly didn’t want that. Phil doesn’t know what he has against marriage. His parents never got divorced and neither did any of his other family members. He was very fortunate enough to grow up surrounded by love and being told how to sort an argument out instead of letting it fall all the way to a breakup. He’d been with Dan for ten years for fuck sake. They were practically married already. Why did they have to validate that?

Phil was drowning. That was how he felt. The months leading up to the wedding were some of the worst times of Phils life. Planning for weddings were bloody stressful and Phil was never going to go through that again if he could help it. Hopefully he could put Martyn off ever proposing so he wouldn’t have to participate in helping to plan that wedding.

_I feel like I was trapped within a_ _nightmare. I've got nowhere to go._

What if Dan wanted kids? He turned around, shaking his head as his shaky hands picked up the kettles and poured the water into the mug. Phil wanted kids, he doesn’t know why hes viewing that in such a negative way. But they’re pretty permanent. Marriage could just be erased by divorce. You can never fully remove the fact that you have a child. What if Dan and Phil broke up? Who would the kids go to? That’d be fucking devastating. He doesn’t want his children to go through their own parents divorcing.

How would they even have kids? Surrogacy? Adoption? That’s another complicating and stressful experience they’ll have to go through. Does it ever stop? Phil would rather do another world tour than go through all this. At least then he would have Dan by his side the whole time. Dan wasn’t here right now. He was in their flat – probably sleeping peacefully going by how he hadn’t replied to Phil in a few hours.

How did Dan get to sleep worry free where Phil was having a nervous breakdown in his brother’s kitchen at nearly one in the morning. How was it already nearly one in the morning? His brother had set his alarm for six in the morning and by this rate, he wouldn’t need it. He was going to show up at his own wedding looking pale with bags heavily underneath his eyes. He’s going to look exactly how he feels.

_Staring down the deepest well_ _. I hardly dare to think of what would happen. Where I'd be if I fell._

Phil took another deep breath, sitting down at the table and using the hot tea to warm his hands. It was still too cold in this flat, but he didn’t dare turn the temperature up in case his brother came down and demanded it be turned back down again. He would insist that its his house therefore he can choose. His brothers over the age of 30 and still acts like hes two years old. Phil isn’t that much different though to be fair.

What if he just didn’t show up? What if Dan didn’t show up? He’d actually think he’d faint if that ever happened. So many things could go wrong tomorrow. So many things he just wants to avoid.

Everyone seems to assume Phils the one who has everything together. Most fanfiction has Dan being the one with the depressing past and the one who constantly needs Phil to be stable. And Phils not removing that factor, Dan does have depression and there are days where Phil needs to drop everything to help him shower or urge him to eat. And he did have trouble coming to term with his sexuality and being able to calm down and not simply snap at fans comments regarding that. Phil wasn’t all put together and stable either, and that’s what the fanfiction got wrong. Phil was bloody petrified when he met Dan, and countless attempts to ask Dan to be his boyfriend failed. Dan was the one who eventually turned around and asked Phil out. He shouldn’t have been surprised really that Dan gave up and proposed himself.

The first time they had sex was nothing but fear to Phil. Even now, he’d go back and change their first time together. He was terrified Dan would laugh at his body or he wouldn’t be able to satisfy Dan enough and he’d have to end up masturbating in Phils shower. He would compare their first time to how he feels right now. Petrifying with no idea where things are going to go from there.

The first time they had sex led to a ten-year loving and happy relationship. What’s going to be the difference between that and the wedding?

_Won't somebody please have a heart?_ _Come and rescue me now._

Phil placed the finished cup into the sink, walking back upstairs. He loosened the fabric slightly, the cup of tea warming him up just ever so slightly. He fell onto the bed, rolling over and grabbing his phone.

‘babe I’m so fucking nervous, meet at the park for a cuddle?’

Screw it, he could marry Dan.


End file.
